


Funky Town

by WayWardWatson



Series: Party When Dead Sherlock Fics [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Beejees, Crack, Embarrassment, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fun, Funk, Funny, Gen, Happy, Happy Ending, I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Music, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Revenge, Ringtones, Silly, Sillyness, Unexpected phone calls, it started out as a prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 12:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WayWardWatson/pseuds/WayWardWatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little exposure to those American Funk songs never hurt anybody - right? </p>
<p>John would have disagreed if it wasn't for the time his computer wouldn't stop singing funk songs. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>This is a series of chapters of how some characters get down to some of their favorite groovy songs - with the exception of Sherlock because, no, he doesn't 'groove' or 'boogie' and, no John, he wasn't just dancing to Shining Star obviously you are hallucinating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Funk and Functionality

**Author's Note:**

> This was the Day 6 prompt. Enjoy. :)

Now, John’s no computer genius, but he’s pretty sure that when your computer starts singing James Brown’s _The Payback_ at 7 am sharp and doesn’t stop, regardless of threats and button smashing, then something is wrong. But John is reasonable; he starts with logical methods, methods who have been reliable in the past, to solve this issue.

He starts with the usual: button pressing.

He presses Esc, then Crtl + ALt+ Delete, he searches the computer mainframe, he starts jabbing random letters, he curses when that nearly freezes his computer, he hits shift a couple of times - but at the end of it, it's only made Brown even louder than before.

Step Two: Threatening.

If there is one thing John can do is shout obscenities at machines. So he starts slow, but when the gravelly voice of Brown switches to the infamous (at least to John) _Ghostbusters_ , he finds a renewed fire and colourful vocabulary he hasn't seen since Afghanistan. Needless to say, it doesn't work, but now John's throat hurts along with his head.

He moves to step three, the most preferred of all stages: make tea. So he gets up, and if he swaggers to the beat he hardly noticed, and makes tea, his hips slowly turning, foot tapping, head bobbing - John stopped. The funk was beating the functionality of his methods, but then the tea is done and he forgets because, my god, that tea smellt good.

Tea is done around 9am, and by then the music has shifted to _So Excited_ , John glares. It was time for the next stage - an important stage in the whole process.

Stage Four: Blame Sherlock.

Because, at the heart of it, it was his really fault. Somehow, someway, it all comes back to that man. Unfortunately, that man is at the morgue testing some corpse he bullied Molly into relinquishing to him, so John couldn't get him to fix whatever it was he caused now. He grumbled to himself.

It didn't help that he was starting to get into the music.

 ...

It was around 3 pm when Sherlock returned and, honestly, out of all the things he expected, he didn't expect to see this.

John was standing in the space between their two chairs, moving his arms around, and shifting his legs, hips rocking in an unrythmetic style only a two-left-feet dancer could pull off, yelling along with the Funkytown lyrics, his back to Sherlock. It was when John did a twirl, his eyes locking with Sherlocks, when realized he wasn't alone. He quickly stopped with a flustered, wide eyed, and gaping expression, before clicking his mouth shut into a thin, tight frown.

The silence lasted, perhaps, five seconds before Sherlock started laughing. Soon, a smile broke out on John's face as small (manly) giggles escaped, and before they knew it, they were clutching their sides as laughter filled room 221 of Baker Street.

 ...

Miles away, perched in the darkness, Anderson cackled to himself and the video of John (which would definetly find its way on youtube).

And Father said taking a class in computer mechanics was rubbish.


	2. Surprising Ringtones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two short stories of when Greg and John's less than common ringtones go off at the most inappropriate times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been awhile but here is the second installment. Generally a crackish set of chapters, hope you enjoy!

For anyone who owns a phone, especially if it has a very loud ringtone, you have experienced this at one, well let’s be real with our selves, multiple times. You know what I’m talking about. That moment when your phone goes off at the _worst_ possible time, whether it’s during class, in the loo, during sex, in the middle of an argument, but for Greg, it was much worse. It happened at a crime scene. 

John was hovering near Sherlock as Sherlock listed off how the murdered managed to get the 200 pound, previous underground boxer, into the pool and drown him when it happened.

“ _Express yourself, some people have everything, and other people don’t. But everything don’t mean a thing if it ain’t the thing you want_ ,” Sang out Charles Wright, Greg eyes widening in embarrassed shock as he fumbled his front pockets for his phone, cursing under his breath while doing so.

 It takes another Express Yourself before he snags the phone and flips it open. Excusing himself, he goes to talk with his wife, even though, please, I told you not to call when I’m at work, his ears going red when he hears John chuckling in the background. So much for expressing himself. 

\---

After the computer virus incident, something changed in John.

Long gone were the days of no firewall, but more importantly, Sherlock would later realize, John had developed a taste for funk songs. It wasn’t obvious at first, but the odd tapping shoe to a Beejees at the station, the low humming of Hammer Time, and the quick check of his deleted internet history confirmed of the doctor’s obsession. But what sealed the deal was the successfully loud and always punctual ringtone.

It was during one of _those_ meetings with Mycroft; professional, formal, but this time they we’re at the palace again. Sherlock had been blackmailed into it and was none too happy, slouched and pouting ( _He isn’t pouting thank you very much_ ), glaring across at his smug brother. But hurt prides aside, the matter was very serious, and if it took threatening Sherlock and his smokes to get the 5 year old detective to be serious, then so be it John wasn’t above it. It was in the middle of the conversation, tension thick, Sherlock serious, all enrapt in intense silence as Mycroft finishes.

“ _How did you know I’d give my heart gladly, Yesterday I was one of the lonely people, Now you’re lying close to me, making love to me_ ,” Everyone jumps, and John can feel his face turn bright red, and he’s looking for his phone which _should have_ been in his right pocket.

“ _I believe in miracles, since you came along, you sexy thing_.” Sherlock smirks slightly to himself, and shifts in his seat so that John won’t see the bulge of John’s phone in Sherlock’s right pocket. It would be worth John yelling at him later, but watching a panicked and flustered John, a slightly annoyed Mycroft tapping along, and the official’s affronted look, well, Sherlock considered this a successful experiment. 


	3. Get Funky Fresh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third installment of the crack-ish stories. 
> 
> Sherlock unamusedly finds that revenge is, in the form of spiteful flatmates and overweight brothers, not sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one last installment before this story is over. Been busy with graduating and such. All this is meant for good fun and I hope anyone who does read this has a good laugh/chuckle.

Sherlock didn’t do funk, he didn’t get down, he wasn’t into disco, and he would never _groove_.

He saw no point in funky music other than to increase the likelihood of coitus, or in this time and age, decrease. Altogether, it was outdated, outrageous, and over. That’s what Sherlock told John, but John knew better than to believe him. Because out of all the claims Sherlock has made, this one was the biggest bullshit John has ever heard and he has evidence.

He isn’t the only person to observe flatmates, and he observed something interesting.

When Sherlock was talking, disregarding all life forms (or matter altogether), John would click on some funk watching as Sherlock, slowly but surely, started to tap along. He responded especially well to Earth, Wind, & Fire’s Shinning Star, and when he thought John wasn’t listening, would lowly hum the tune when he was thinking. Soon, Sherlock seemed hardly phased when John played the song outside Sherlock-sleep (What John liked to call his Sherlock’s mind palace moments) and John’s petty revenge could be unfolded.

He told Sherlock he couldn’t come with him to the crime scene, he had to work in the surgery today (which was true), and watched as the man drove off in the cabby. He quickly texted Greg, before heading to work. He was just filling out a prescription when he heard the text come in; he smiled at the old man, before slipping out and down the hall towards the café, dialing Sherlock’s number with a manic grin. 

This is what happens when you embarrass your flatmate at the Queen’s palace.

Sherlock was _not_ pleased. He stood, practically scolding the lounging doctor sipping his satisfying tea, red-faced and beyond annoyed.

“You’re overreacting Sherlock,” John murmured, hiding his smile behind the rim.

“It didn’t stop singing Shinning Star, even when I hung up! It kept going, no one listened John, they couldn’t stop laughing, even the cabbie laughed at me.” Sherlock pouted, gracefully flopping onto the couch and glaring at the snickering doctor. Sherlock’s eyes widened a fraction.

“Was he?”

“Yes.”

Mycroft was going to pay.


	4. Excitedly Surprising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Respectable ladies do not, 'Get Down'. 
> 
> Unless you're Mrs. Hudson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final installment of the drabbles of crack funk. I've been busy with graduating, concerts - among other things. 
> 
> Since it's summer, I should be able to finish some old plot bunnies, but we will see.

Mrs. Hudson is a respectable lady, a wonderful landlady, and not your housekeeper, dear, really just this once, as she goes downstairs to get the dinner she made an hour ago because she knew her boys would need it.

She was their kind, maternal old (Who are you calling old?) landlady who made sure the universe (the flat) was balanced. So, it came as a shock that Mrs. Hudson is actually a _very_ funky lady.

They, her boys and her, were sitting and having tea, well, she and John were enjoying the fine herbal tea while Sherlock paced behind them. She was in the middle of taking a sip when her phone went off.

“Ooh, ooh, you might not ever get rich, but let me tell ya, it’s better than diggin’ a ditch.”

Sherlock stopped  pacing at the sound of the, totally unfamiliar _because he didn’t just listen to Rose Royce last night nope_ , ringtone, sharing a quick look with John.

“Excuse me boys, I need to answer this.” She reached into her tiny purse and pulled out an old, beat up, and was that a burn mark, Samsung flip phone. Sherlock noted to steal it later to experiment on its durability.

“Janet! Oh hello. I’m fine, you dear? Oh good, good. Of course I’m still coming, wouldn’t miss it. Bring Alfred; I’m dying to meet him. Ok, ok, right. Well I’m with my boys right now, oh I’ll tell them you said hi, ok, right, and I’ll see you at 8, ok Bye love.”

At John and Sherlock’s confused looks, Mrs. Hudson huffs, smiles, before shrugging lightly.

“Disco nights, every Saturday, I should get ready. You didn’t think I just sit around and knit all the time, now did you?” With that, she winks before leaving two extremely confused and shocked ‘boys’ in the dust.

 


End file.
